Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Rats in a poke

While my Monkey has been sleeping very well, and getting up early has been relatively easy, there are still challenges here and there--as there are for everyone, I know--that I am struggling to meet head on.

Major Pukey, as it turns out, decided that he was the lesser man. His bags have been packed and are waiting on the platform, thanks. He and his Measly Minions ended up waging battle with me four whole times--the isolated incident of two weeks past, and then three in a row last week. I haven't seen him since, and I say, "Good blasted riddance!"

The Nausea Bug has stuck around, though he's largely been skulking in dark corners, licking his wounds. I'm hopeful that his stay will be short-lived as well. At 10 1/2 weeks now, I've had enough of his pestering ways.

What hasn't gone away are the twinges that have me looking over my shoulder....and although my heart is joyful, it is very much guarded. I'm only human after all.....

So here's what's happening. I went garage saling with a dear friend on Saturday. We hit the streets, and we hit them hard! I had the Monkey and the Frog, and she had her youngest three (she is due with Blessing Number Eight in September, with four boys and a girl here on earth and two little saints in Heaven). We put the smallest two in our gigantic wagon with few toys and plenty of snacks and water bottles, the bigger three walked, and we shopped until I nearly literally dropped!

When we talked after Mass on Sunday, we both admitted we had definitely overdone it...she had a throbbing headache, and I had stabbing cramps, though in the same regions I've been having them all along. (My midwife says round ligaments and stretching.....this is number five!)

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon. There was choir rehearsal last night--Ordination is next Friday, and our choir is singing. My dear friend Brian is being ordained, and I very much want to be there and minister in the way I know how. But as I was rising from one place to go to another, there was a rather sharp pain that literally took my breath away. I was gripped with fear, and had to take the time to talk myself down (and soak in a hot tub for a bit).

Indeed, I did not attend rehearsal.......and now I'm wondering what this means. It's as if my dear Heavenly Father is telling me to slow down and take it easy. What can I do but obey? If rest and relaxing means that my cramps are few and far between, but over exerting myself brings them on, then I suppose the thing to do is rest, for Pete's sake. Oh, but it's so hard to be obedient, when the thing I really want to do is Get Everything Done. And Ordination? Merely one of the most (if not The Most) beautiful things in the church world to witness. But it is a long Mass, and very taxing, musically speaking. I'm just not sure I should give it a go.

No matter how I rationalize it though, I need to be humbled right now. I need to lean on Him, and quit trying to figure everything out for myself.

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