It was definitely one of those weeks. The kind that begins well but kind of goes downhill as it progresses. Not my favorite.
It was the kind of week where the children are resistant to obedience and prone to bickering and quarreling. The kind of week where I want to spend as much time in a hot bubble bath in a darkened, silent room with candles glowing gently, but instead I feel like I'm standing barefoot in a snowdrift.
It was the kind of week that brings on a migraine. On Thursday. The day of our bi-weekly study group. I needed that group this week. I needed to get out of the house, for Pete's sake.
It was the kind of week that sends me into a tizzy of desperate prayer, searching for the balm to soothe my sin sick soul.
Why do I allow myself to continually think that I am in this thing alone? That He is not providing--allowing--for every breath I take? One of my favorite lines from Anne of Green Gables is when Anne asks Marilla, "Do you ever find yourself in the depths of despair?" Marilla answers her very plainly: "No. To despair is to turn your back on God."
Such a thought should be the furthest thing from my mind. He has so gloriously and abundantly shown His hand to me that despite my humanness, despair should be impossible.
Enter satan and his little imps, who come about seeking to weaken my faith. They come in disobedient whinges from the mouths of my children. They come in jabs to my heart, seeking to misconstrue words spoken by My Loving Darling. They come in weakening little pings to my spirit, attempting to disengage me from the ones who love me, pray with me and pray for me.
And thank God for my Guardian Angel, who comes stronger. Thank God for those who love me and pray with me and pray for me! Thank God for My Loving Darling, who takes things graciously, knowing that my heart does not wish for separation and discontent, but for the balm that only He can give.
I was once accused by an anonymous relative of My Darling of craving drama in my life. Ha! It is the calm peace of the heart that I long for. Drama finds me often, as I'm sure it does many others, but it is not relished here.
The Psalmist says, in Psalm 63:
"O God, you are my God, for you I long; for you my soul is thirsting. My body pines for you like a dry, weary land without water. So I gaze on you in the sanctuary to see you strength and your glory. For your love is better than life, my lips will speak your praise. So I will bless you all my life, in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul shall be filled as with a banquet, my mouth shall praise you with joy. On my bed I remember you. On you I muse through the night for you have been my help; in the shadow of your wings will I rejoice. My soul clings to you; your right hand holds me fast. But those who seek to do me ruin shall go down into the depths of the earth; they shall be given over to the power of the sword, they shall be prey for jackals. But the king shall rejoice in God; all who swear by Him shall exult, for the mouths of liars shall be stopped."
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole...there is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul.