Friday, November 14, 2008

Nearing the end?

Chris will come today. Maybe she will take one look at me and take great pity and tell me that she will give me something to get labor really and truly going.

Ok, likely not, but I needed to say it.

I've gotten to the point in pregnancy when I can be up and around, doing what needs to be done--just in time, of course, for that point in pregnancy when it hurts to be up and around, doing what needs to be done. Not complaining; just being honest.

It's the point when I really want to whine and cry and whinge to no end about how uncomfortable I am, how much it hurts to walk, how it's difficult to sleep, how flipping from one side to the other in the bed is really time-consuming and painful, how I have to use the loo every fourteen seconds and yield practically nothing....and the thing is, all of it is true, but I'm trying so hard to keep things in perspective--so most times I just keep my trap shut.

I know that all of this is part of what brings about the new life in our family. I know that this physical discomfort is fleeting--it will absolutely not last, and when it's gone I'll have forgotten it nearly immediately anyway. I know that suffering is part of being human, and that so little is asked of me when seen in the shadow of the Cross.

I know that in a matter of days, I will be holding a sweet bundle of wriggly love, smooching little cheeks and smelling a sweet head, marveling at the velvety softness of brand new little feeties, and falling absolutely in love with another small soul.

Yesterday was a bad day. Yesterday found me all too human, breaking down emotionally, and taking my frustrations out on my family. Of course, I thought to myself, everyone is conspiring against Mom to make things as miserable as possible. The children cannot (or will not, for Pete's sake) stop their squabbles long enough to remember that they love each other. My Darling husband thinks it's cute when I waddle (can you believe the nerve?!) rather than noticing that every step is painful. All these things added up for a rather explosive temper fit on my part. There were tears, there was blowing of the nose, there may have been a raised voice and harsh verbiage. Never mind the part where everyone has been sacrificing around me to make things happen in our home--the kids are just kids, for Pete's sake, and have really been doing their best (mostly) to get their chores done. And of course, My Darling has been grocery shopping and cooking, in addition to keeping on with the addition, working full-time to support and provide for our family, and still he is loving and supportive of me emotionally and just takes everything in and copes with it.

I am well blessed.

Still, yesterday Perspective was nowhere to be found. Completely MIA.

And today, alas, is shaping up much the same way, although it looks like it might get better.

We have Mass tonight with our dear Bishop, followed by a dinner of appreciation for the couples involved in the Marriage Preparation ministry.

I hope there's Confession offered before Mass......


Carrie said...

Whenever I read your posts about the difficulties of pregnancy, I can't help but think of the married women who would give anything to be where you are, having a little one growing inside of them. Neither can I help but think about the different paths that the Lord has for you, Laura, and for those suffering married women. I do hope that you realize just how blessed you are. Prayers for you and yours as this pregnancy nears its consummation.

laurazim said...

Absoltely I recognize how blessed I am. Those couples who are experiencing the sufferings that infertility can render are never far from my mind, and are ever in my prayers. We are friends and family with many couples who carry this heavy Cross, and have seen both the frustrations and the fruits of it. Having gone through secondary infertility for four years ourselves (which can be equally as devastating!), we are no strangers to the intense longing for a child that can grip the spirit, and we are constantly reminded through the little moments of our days with our family just how blessed we are. WHO AM I, Lord, that you have chosen me as the mother of these precious babies? But He has! In the garden of my womb He has planted the seeds of the bodies and souls of my children, and He has chosen us to raise them up to know Him, love Him and serve Him in this world so that they may be happy with Him in the next. It is by His grace alone that we are the family that we are.

Never doubt it--as weakly as my human mind and heart are capable of grasping the significance, I am fully aware of just how blessed I am. :)

acv said...

Hang in there! Thinking of you & praying for you.